What not to say to a woman that’s having a Hysterectomy

Life has it’s way of showing us that we have no control. Sometimes we think we are are prepared for things and when the time comes you realize maybe I wasn’t as prepared as I thought.

I’ve been struggling for years with horrible menstrual pain. 3 weeks out of a month was torture from painful ovulation,dizziness,bloating, anemia, you name it I suffered it.

I lived with a heating pad on my stomach. Gulped down ibuprofen like candy trying to ease the pain. Midol extra strength was a joke. The medication took the edge off but generally, nothing worked. Except a special tea that I would make but it would only last maybe 15 minutes and trust me that was the BEST 15 minutes of my life!!

I knew the time was going to come where the big “H” word was going to haunt me. I just didn’t expect it at 37. In my mind I had a dream, get married again to the man that I extremely love and have at least one (maybe 2) beautiful babies, then they can toss my uterus out to a group of starving mangy mutts for all I care!

I’m not trying to be insensitive to others because there are some women that have had to make this decision at even a earlier age. No matter how old you are it still might be emotionally painful for that person. Here are some of the things that were said to me in some form that actually bothered me. I truly hope this will helped friends and families with what to do if you have a loved one or friend facing this procedure.

Things people shouldn’t say when trying to support someone going through this procedure:

1. At least you were able to have kids

Yes, I was fortunate to have children but some huge part of me still hurts. I wanted to give birth to one more child but it’s just not in the cards for me anymore and it breaks my heart a little.

2. You’re going to feel so much better afterwards

Will I, of course I will, “physically” but mentally, Will I feel better?

3. Awe that means no more babies.

Thank you for the reminder I kinda know that! Geez get a grip people!!

4. You should have taken care of it a long time ago.

I’m sure that you’re right but I had hope that maybe I would miraculously be healed or maybe just one more baby then I’ll be done. I was wrong. Don’t keep reminding me because I’m doing something about it now.

5. Why are you being so dramatic?

Surgery is scary! My future is being rained on with a storm I can’t compete with. It seems like when all starts going well, something crazy always happens. It’s hard to deal with, so drama it is!

6. How do you feel about it?

If I had a dollar for how may times I’ve been asked this week, I’d be $100 richer. I’m scared, deep down I know it’s for the best but I still don’t want to do it I HAVE to do it.

7. Man, that sucks!

Yeah tell me about it! My sentiments exactly!

8. Omg! What are you going to do?!

Have surgery, duh!! The other options had to many risks and honestly I’ve gone through enough.

9. Are you going to be ok?

I’ll live, just gotta take some time to think and remind myself that I will be ok eventually.

10. Girl, I bet you’re happy to get that thing taken out.

Just because I have the fab 5 doesn’t mean I didn’t want more. I know in this day and time a large family isn’t the most celebrated situation but I love being a mom, bearing children and watching them develop into great kids and young adults. Now I’ll just be spoiling the mess out of grand babies when that time comes. I just need to wrap my thoughts around that and try to stay positive.

I know that everything I wrote probably sounds petty but to me it’s not. The best advice I can give is just be patient and let women who are facing this or have faced this have time to be emotional, Let them express their feelings without your opinion, and most of all know that it’s ok if you don’t understand what they are going through just try your best to be a listening ear or a warm hug if she needs it.

I am thankful for the love and support I have thus far but I’m sure after I conquer this surgery I’ll need a lot more and that’s OK! Just keep me in your prayers.

Thank you for reading!

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